batmanschmatman | 064 [voice]

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064 [voice]

[Dick's voice is very flat and very depressed. He can't really deal right now.]

Costigan's gone. Off the Barge. I'm not - I'm not sure if he's coming back.

[Meaning, his item's stopped responding to him and there's no sign of him anywhere, and Dick has so many sads. He pauses for a moment like he's going to say something else, but turns off the feed instead.]

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Just making sure. [And he's quiet while he bandages the injury, carefully wrapping it up so that it's as tight as possible, while still allowing for a little mobility.] I'll go get an icepack to help with the swelling.

You don't have to... [But Dick's already gone to get an icepack, and he's left alone again. When he comes back, David's looking down at his sneakers. He's silent for a bit, and then:] Sorry about all the trouble. That was a pretty dumbass thing to do, I guess.

It's no trouble. Seriously. [He hands over the icepack and sits down next to him again.] This will help with the swelling. And hey, I've done a lot worse to my hand hitting stuff because I was angry, so I'm not really in a good place to judge.

"I'm just so sick of this," [he mutters the words, a little more softly than he had before in the CES.] "What's the point? What's the point in any of this? People are just gonna keep disappearing. Maybe back home, maybe to oblivion. We can't even confront the Admiral about it, because no one can even find him."

[Dick really doesn't want to talk about it, because he's beating himself up over Costigan being gone enough as is, but he can tell David kind of needs to, and so he doesn't change the subject.] I know it sucks. But that's sort of how it is back home, too. People die, people vanish, people leave, and the rest of us have to figure out a way to keep going when they're gone. No one's saying we need to forget about them, or that we shouldn't care that they're gone. I'll always miss the people I've lost. At least here, sometimes we get to say goodbye first.

[It was very similar to something he'd told Costigan when Mal and Howie had left, and it made the loss seem almost more painful when he realized it, but he didn't say anything about it to David. He wasn't really ready to cheerfully reminisce about his inmate.]

[Listening to Dick, David's uncomfortably reminded of the chat he listened in on between Rachel and her sister Jordan, the one where she tried to comfort Jordan after Saddler went into the PICU. Not because of the words themselves, but because it's all too easy to imagine Dick one day finding out what he did that day. He keeps all that off this face, though.] Yeah, but there at least it makes some kind of sense. Here, nothing makes sense. We can die and come back. So if the Admiral has that kind of power, why can't he just keep people from leaving? It's stupid.

[He knows he sounds petulant, perhaps even a little childish, but it's also how he feels.]

I don't know. Maybe he can only bring people in and fix them while they're here, but he can't control when they vanish. There must be some force here that's higher than him. [It was all just speculation, and it didn't change the fact that Costigan was gone, and either one of them might be gone by tomorrow morning. He couldn't even remember what the last thing he'd said to Costigan was, had nothing to remember him by. He'd lost plenty of friends in the line of duty, and it hurt every time.]

It... kind of makes you realize you need to appreciate what you have when you have it.

... I'd never really lost anyone before I got here. [David admits it quietly, not really proud of it. Not when he considers who it is who's standing in front of him.] Before my life fell apart, I mean. I lost my grandma when I was young, but I was only four years old, so I barely even remember her, you know? [He sighs, blowing air out his mouth.] I could deal with it if people were just dropping dead. It'd suck, but I could deal. But this... disappearing without anywhere? It's fucked up.

So's dying unexpectedly. [A subject that Dick knows way too much about.]

It's one of those things where being angry about it forever doesn't do anything except make you miserable.

So what are we supposed to do, just sit back and keep letting it happen? [He looks up at Dick, his face twisted, but it's more with frustration than anger. He's used to being able to do something about his problems. But there's nothing here to push back against.]

We don't have another option. We don't know how long this place has been around. We don't know how many other people have tried, or what questions they've asked, or anything. If I could have done something to stop Costigan from going, or if I could do something to bring him back, I would.

[He looks like he wants to argue the point... but then, just as quickly, the fight goes out of him and he looks away again.] Whatever.

Do you want to head back up to the CES?

You'd still let me?

Why wouldn't I?

I dunno... 'cause of the whole 'punching the tree' thing?

Are you going to do it again?

Probably not. I'd look pretty damn stupid with matching busted-up hands.

Then I'm pretty sure we can take the risk.

Works for me.

Awesome.

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064 [voice]

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