batmanschmatman | 137 [voice]

[Dick clicks on the audio feed and takes a second to consider what he actually wants to say, here.]

I've been on the Barge for two years, three months, and one day. [Not that he's been counting.] I've met a lot of interesting people, been really amazing places, died and got about a dozen alternate lifetimes jumbling around in my head, and honestly, despite all the annoying stuff we've got to put up with on a daily basis here, it's been worth it. I'm never going to regret taking the Admiral up on his offer, and I'm glad he thought to give it to me in the first place.

But this place isn't somewhere to make into a home, [And he can't help but think about Cissie, and how she'd said she'd tried to convince herself that it was until she finally realized she just couldn't do it anymore, and how Tim had said he could stay here forever coming up with things to make bargains for, and that just wasn't a way to live your life.] and I could stay here forever punishing myself for mistakes or regrets, but that's no way to live your life, and I'd rather go home and do good there while there's still some good left in me, rather than let this place pretty much keep trying to beat it out of me.

So, I'm going home. For good this time, at least for now. I guess I can't make any promises you won't be seeing me again in a couple months. [But he also can't make any promises that he will come back, and he doesn't want to do that to anyone.

And you can practically hear the self depreciating smile:] I was gonna say something like it's been fun or real or a pleasure, or something, but none of that really does it justice, does it?

[Filtered to Friends, if you think you're on it, you are!]

I'll be around for another couple hours getting stuff organized. The door's unlocked. [So feel free to drop by. :c]

[Private to Alex]

We should probably talk before I go.

[Private to Rorschach]

If you ever need someone to talk to, [Read: if you ever need to talk to me.] or just blow off some steam with, you know you've got an open invite back to my world, right?

[He has a feeling you won't appreciate him getting more sentimental than that, but. He might anyway, sorry Rorschach. :c]

[Private to Cass]

I know you've heard a lot of scary stuff about the future, and believe me, I can't blame you for being nervous about going back home. [Seriously. Because:] Two years ago, I found out a lot of stuff I had a really hard time accepting about my future, and it took me a long time to come to terms with it even a little bit. I'm still a little afraid of going back and actually living through all of it.

But I can promise you one thing: it gets better. I know it might not seem like it, but things turn out okay in the end, and I don't want you to stay here letting the Barge wear you down because you're scared. I did that for a long time, and I don't want to see you make the same mistakes I did.

[Private to Ivy]

Can I ask a strange favor?

[Private to Kay]

I've got a write up on everything I remember from the last time the bridge was compromised and what Capa, Connor and I saw there, and you seemed like the right person to give it to. [He's always trusted and respected Kay, even if they haven't been particularly close, and he knows he won't let the information fall into the wrong hands.]

I have no idea what's going on with the Admiral right now or how bad it could feasibly get, and to be honest, I feel like an asshole for skipping out like this, but I know whatever it is, you guys will figure out a way to get through it.

[Private to Oliver]

If you ever run into a kid named Roy Harper, don't kick him out when you find out he's turned to heroin because you've been a terrible excuse for a parent to him.

[Private to Bruce]

[And again, he hesitates before saying anything, because he doesn't want to screw this up, or if he should even be bothering with it at all.]

I get that you're hurting, and I'm sorry we didn't have more time to try and set things right, [Not that it really matters, because Bruce would still be going home to a Dick Grayson who was furious with him.] but don't punish yourself by condemning yourself to this place. You did everything you could to make sure we were safe, and sometimes, that's just not enough. It's not your fault.

I still don't agree with you, [And he wasn't sure he could really forgive him yet, or ever.] but I don't think you deserve to fester here forever. You can do a lot more good at home if you forgive yourself and go back to helping people than just sitting around here feeling sorry for yourself.

[ooc: And Dick will hang around for any spam people want to do, but then he's off for a much needed vacation... back to Gotham which is admittedly not a vacation at all but there you go.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Alex, on the other hand, gets there right on time. He's a little tense, not sure what this conversation is going to entail, but it needs to happen so he's not avoiding it. It should've happened a while ago, when he could have taken more advantage of Dick's presence here, really.]

[He makes his way over to the rail, nods at Dick.]

Hey.

Hey. [Dick's not really sure how the conversation's going to go either, considering this isn't really something he wants to talk about with just anyone, but he's seen enough of Alex ~~from stalking the network~~ to know it seems like he's got a decent head on his shoulders, and he wouldn't be here if he didn't want to help, so. He's certainly willing to give it a shot.]

Sorry we didn't talk earlier, this is... sort of a difficult subject. Obviously. But if you've got anything you want to ask me, or talk about or whatever before I go, I'm up for it.

[It's weird. Because Alex kind of has an in on Dick's life despite never having spoken to him before, so this seems kind of wrong and off, uneven. He shakes his head.]

All due respect, you asked to talk, I thought you'd have specific things to tell me.

[He hesitates for a minute, then glances away, over the side.]

I don't really want to know if you'd forgive him. It's not my business, it's his, and mostly it's yours. But if he was in a position to ask for it, would that make any difference at all?

[He's not sure, honestly, and he has to look back out at the blackness rather than Alex to consider how he wants to answer that.]

Maybe. [Which is something he's sort of just starting to accept, now that the anger's sort of had time to burn off.] Bruce literally saved my life, in more ways than one, when he took me in. I owe everything I have to him and his ridiculous high standards, so having him show up here and giving me a hard time for doing what he trained me to do is just... hard. I don't condone what he did, but maybe if he started changing his mind, [And stop being such an insufferable asshole, but.] I could start to forgive him.

[Alex nods. He gets this - not all of it, but enough of it, and probably too well. Maybe's good enough to start with, and hopefully enough to give Bruce a kick in the ass.]

I don't think he understands that it doesn't happen all at once, [he offers in the hopes that it makes a difference - it did to him - before moving on. His tone's neutral, but he's watching Dick carefully.]

He asked me to talk to Jason. I told him he had to first.

[Dick looks confused more than skeptical, because he definitely didn't realize that Bruce and Jason weren't really talking.] I didn't realize they weren't on speaking terms.

[It's not asking for more information, because he knows how important trust and discretion were in this kind of relationship, but if Alex is willing to give it, he's certainly not going to say no to it.]

Yeah.

[He's not surprised, really. Bruce is the absolute last person to share his feelings about anything, so why would he have told Dick any of this?]

[And Bruce still doesn't trust him completely, which is why Alex doesn't give any more information than that on what's been happening.]

But it's his job to fix that.

You bet it is. [And Dick's not looking to pass the blame or the responsibility to fix it on anyone else.]

He's just... ridiculously stubborn and doesn't really get people. He's emotionally still pretty much the eight year old kid who saw his parents die.

[He laughs. There is zero humor in it.] I'm getting that.

Have you ever been able to communicate with him? Even just for a couple of minutes.

With the Bruce here? [What a weird question to answer.] On and off. After the hallucinogen went off in the dining hall, we had an okay talk.

[Which had mostly been about stuff that should have been givens, but Dick would totally take what he could get.]

Okay. Good. [It really is helpful to know, hopeful. That means his guilt isn't completely holding him back from making progress.]

[Alex nods and raises his eyebrows.] Now your turn. Anything specific you wanted me to know?

137 [voice]

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