018 [audio]

[batmanschmatman]

[There's a second or two of silence before Dick starts speaking, because he is very consciously trying to stop himself from blurting out "Holy _______" statements and adding Bat to the beginning of nouns, and it is quite the uphill battle, unfortunately. His "superpower" is basically adopting Burt Ward Robin's speech patterns TO THE XTREME. :|]

I'm not feeling great. Anyone needs me, I'm gonna be in my Bat-

... I'll be kind of scarce.

[Filtered to people who know THE BIG SECRET. So basically Tim, Steph, Wally, Costigan, Hayley, Spike, etc. Ask if not sure.]

Holy redundant flood, Admiral, this had better only be for a couple days. I'm starting to talk like the Robin from the BatTV Show character flood again and the Batnovelty's already seriously worn off. How's everyone else holding up?

Comments

private text

[batmanschmatman]

No, I just heard Donny screaming. You remember the kid's TV show Batflood?

private text

[lostundercover]

I remember it happening, sure, but not much about it. Why?

private text

[batmanschmatman]

The Robin I turned into talked like this, with the Holys and the Snake Repellent Batspray and Batstuff. I mean, it doesn't beat having Batconversations with pants, but as far as special abilities go? Prettyyy lame.

private text

[lostundercover]

It doesn't really sound like a special ability to me. Maybe it's a trademark thing. Didn't you say you were some "hero" or something?

private text

[batmanschmatman]

I don't talk like this back home. Batman isn't some kind of trademarked Batenterprise. We were pretty much urban legends up until about a Batyear ago.

private text - I love that icon so much I make that face a lot more often now. xD

[lostundercover]

Yeah? What changed?

private text - It is a wonderful face. xD

[batmanschmatman]

We got caught on Battape.

private text

[lostundercover]

That like Duck Tape? [lolpun.]

Was it the ski masks that gave it away?

[He's enjoying this mocking.]

private text

[batmanschmatman]

Psh, no. You seriously think we run around in Batski masks?

private text

[lostundercover]

I have no idea, guy. You're saying you're a superhero and the only heroes I knew were nut jobs in the joint. Or the firemen. Those were the real heroes. Even the cops were fuckin homos with an air of scumbag entitlement.

private text - ffff I give up on this striking out :|

[batmanschmatman]

I'm not a kid who saw something on television, grabbed a ski mask and some rock climbing equipment and started running around on fire escapes. I mean, people like that definitely exist where I'm from, but I've been training to do this since I was eight. I've got access to stuff that they don't - equipment, back up, I was trained by Batman - and it's definitely not a game or for publicity or money or anything.

And I wouldn't really call myself a superhero, since I don't have powers. I mean, there are people who've got them - you've seen Wally around, right? - but I just have a uniform, a codename, and a hell of a lot of training and skills to use to make sure I don't get killed and can resolve the situation with as few causalities as possible.

And sure, sometimes we butt heads with the cops or the government or their organizations, but usually we have an understanding. We can do stuff cops can't, we can go in and damage control situations so they don't have to get hurt and we don't kill people. We've helped change things for the better.

It's just... normal where we're from.

private text

[lostundercover]

And where I'm from? Batman doesn't exist and vigilantes are hunted by the law like any criminal.

private text

[batmanschmatman]

So... are we going to have a problem?

private text

[lostundercover]

That depends on what you mean by a problem, guy.

private text

[batmanschmatman]

Okay, let me rephrase, does it bother you that I come from a universe where that's totally normal? I mean, believe me, I get it, untrained people going out and taking the law into their own hands isn't a good idea to let go unchecked, but that's not what really I'm doing. It's just... a different status quo, I guess.

private text

[lostundercover]

You said you had evidence and I told you to show me on your time. I meant that. Until then, I'm just waiting.

private text

[batmanschmatman]

Okay, how about after you're done echolocating and I'm done... spouting TV catchphrases and contemplating taping my mouth shut, I can give you a little 101 on what an actual superhero/vigilante does where I come from? Might give us something to do other then punching each other in the down time between this and whatever else the Admiral's got scheduled.

private text

[lostundercover]

Yeah, alright.

Listen.. I asked Jones about helping me to find something for the scars on my arms. I don't want people to get the wrong fucking impression, you know? I told her it was an accident. If she asks you, I need you to tell her it was an accident.

private text

[batmanschmatman]

Sure, no problem. She think there's something that'll take care of them?

private text

[lostundercover]

That's what I'm hoping.

private text

[batmanschmatman]

Awesome. Be right over with the ibuprofen.

private text

[lostundercover]

Thanks, guy.

private text

[batmanschmatman]

No problem.