batmanschmatman | 038 [audio]

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038 [audio]

I know it's kind of ridiculous to try to look for a point to any of this? But I still think it if we were going to be able to be contacted by people not on the Barge, it would have been more handy to let us pick who we could contact. And when to contact them in the timeline.

I hate time travel.

[Private to Costigan]

I saw you talking with Sullivan. How are you doing?

[Private to Hayley]

So, I met your Harvey.

[Private to Bruce; added a little later]

You told Crane?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hey. You okay?

[Yeah. She saw that mess Crane made, and she's kind of pissed at Bruce herself, but she remembers that conversation about parents, and. Well. Not that she thinks Dick will actually answer honestly, but it's worth a shot.]

Not really.

[Dick is... kind of in a really bad place, so you've getting evasive honesty. :|]

[Well, that's more than she expected! ...Crap, what now?]

You know, if you feel like talking to someone mostly uninvolved who already knows the Big Secrets and totally gets wishing you could actually hate your parents, I know somebody who's a pretty good listener. She's also decent at bullying Tim into talking when he doesn't want to, so that's something to keep in mind.

And where would I find such a person?

[Because teasing is more fun then just getting right down to it. :|]

[Teasing is totally acceptable. :| It's like an icebreaker.]

Well, there are these handy communicator things, or there are places like the CES, or the gym, or the deck. The Warden meeting room has a lock, but the pool room has a dart set.

You up for doing a couple laps around the deck?

Sure. Meet you up there?

Thanks, Cissie.

No problem.

[She'll be waiting up there for you, Dick.]

[Dick is up on deck a few minutes later. His pretty badly bruised if not actually broken hand is hidden in his jacket pocket, and he manages a sort of wan smile for Cissie.]

Hey.

Hi. [She gives him a smile in return and pushes off from the railing to go meet him.]

So. On a scale of one to ten, how pissed off are you right about now?

Well, I was like a twelve? But now I'm more like a five. [Because lol someone is more depressed then angry right now. >>]

[Cissie winces at that. She can guess it's something along those lines. You don't go from a twelve to a five that quickly unless some other emotion interferes.] Yeah? How come?

We got into a fight. How much do you know about when Tim's from?

[She glances at him and debates how to answer that.] ...He's told me most of it.

He... God, I don't... [He runs his left hand through his hair, screwing up his face in frustration for a moment.]

He's angry that I took over for him. When we thought he was dead.

[Cissie actually stops walking at that, to stare at him. Because... seriously, what?]

Are you--of course you're not kidding. But what the hell?

I have literally no idea. Apparently, in his mind, I - all of us, whatever, got on just fine without him after he was "dead". And I'm standing here, thinking about what I've heard and see all this has done to Tim, and how I've been terrified of going home for even a day or two because I might have to actually live through that and I just... I don't know. This is what I've been afraid of happening ever since I found out the big secret, because he might be an asshole and he's really damn hard to deal with most of the time, but...

[He trails off and after a beat, slowly starts walking again.] I don't get how he can think that about us. About me.

That is such complete bullshit, [she says fiercely, falling into step with him again.] He does not get to judge how you all chose to deal with his death. I mean, okay. Out of loyalty to Tim, I am obligated to say that you could have handled things better, but that's--not really you, since it hasn't happened for you. And in all seriousness, you were all grieving, and if anybody gets making stupid decisions you'll regret later in that state of mind, it's me.

Yeah, I don't - None of that is me. I still don't really understand why I did or I'm going to do any of that, honestly. Like, I can see why someone would need to take over? And Tim's too young and Jason's nuts, so I'm kind of stuck, but I wouldn't take Robin away from Tim and I wouldn't like being Batman, especially under those circumstances, and I just... I'm tired of everyone being angry with me for decisions I haven't made yet, especially if it's just going to be lashing out and saying I don't care about them.

[Cissie sighs a little, trying to figure out how to respond to all of that.] It's not fair to get mad at you for stuff you haven't done yet. And... Look, Tim's been known to lash out and push people away when he's hurting too, and whoever else is angry with you has probably done it too. It happens, and it sucks, but what matters is that if people really care about you, you can fix it later. I'm not kidding--Bruce died. It screwed you all up. And I don't think it's a terrible thing if you do eventually grow to like being Batman. I mean, as far as future-you knows, you're stuck with it. If you hate it forever, you're going to be ineffective and you're going to resent everything about it. Then you may as well not do it. But I seriously doubt it's like you jumped into the suit the day after he died and the minute you put it on decided you found your calling. Come on. If you're going to be Batman, you're going to do it your way and you have to be able to live with yourself and do whatever gets you through every day.

Yeah, I know, I just... I'm having a hard time accepting it. And then to have it thrown back at me like it's something I'm looking forward to and going to enjoy when it happens is so unfathomable to me.

[He's quiet for a beat, sort of trying to process all of it.] Sorry, Cissie. I feel bad just kind of dumping on you.

[She gives him a little smile.] Don't be. It's better than keeping it bottled up inside and--like I said--I'm mostly uninvolved and already know the secret stuff. Besides, I didn't have to bully you into talking, so that's a plus.

[She takes a breath and shakes her head, scowling again.] Bruce is... a selfish jerk. I'm sorry, but he is. If he can't even let go of his own ego to consider what you must have gone through... I don't even know. But whatever he did to Crane was stupid and selfish and jerky too, because seriously? I knew Tim for almost a year before accidentally finding out his name, because he wouldn't let Tim tell us. And here he goes just... not even caring?

Once you get me going, it's kind of hard to get me to stop. [And that smile actually looks a little less forced and unhappy.]

That's what I don't get. I thought he was going to flip tables when I told him I told Costigan, and frankly, he kind of seemed like he was going to start stalking the hell out of him because he's got sensitive information and "might be a threat", but now he's just... jumping Crane and telling him who he is? Call me crazy, but even to Mr. Paranoid Control Freak, I think known villain from back home ranks a lot lower on the trust scale then my inmate.

He tried playing the "the Barge is a different environment, Batman is more important" card and bitched me out when I called him on it. I don't even know, Cissie. I just kind of can't believe this just happened.

Hello? Exactly. I think pulling that means he loses his right to get all picky about who you and Tim chose to tell. And that's just the stupidest thing I've ever heard. If Batman is more important, then what is he even doing on the Barge at all? If any of you pulled something like that, he would have flipped out.

038 [audio]

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