018 [audio]

[batmanschmatman]

[There's a second or two of silence before Dick starts speaking, because he is very consciously trying to stop himself from blurting out "Holy _______" statements and adding Bat to the beginning of nouns, and it is quite the uphill battle, unfortunately. His "superpower" is basically adopting Burt Ward Robin's speech patterns TO THE XTREME. :|]

I'm not feeling great. Anyone needs me, I'm gonna be in my Bat-

... I'll be kind of scarce.

[Filtered to people who know THE BIG SECRET. So basically Tim, Steph, Wally, Costigan, Hayley, Spike, etc. Ask if not sure.]

Holy redundant flood, Admiral, this had better only be for a couple days. I'm starting to talk like the Robin from the BatTV Show character flood again and the Batnovelty's already seriously worn off. How's everyone else holding up?

Comments

BIG SECRET filter

[lostundercover]

I have a headache. You got anything you wouldn't kill me for taking?

BIG SECRET filter

[batmanschmatman]

Holy understatement, you and me both. I've got some Batibuprofen you could take.

... I promise it's not actually Bat-anything, I just can't stop. As long as you don't exceed the daily Batlimit, it should be fine.

Any fun Batside effects of our turbulence for you? [... Dick has officially reached the oh god please kill me :| part of our programming.]

private OH AND TEXT ON COSTIGAN'S END, SORRY.

[lostundercover]

Sure, guy. Thanks. Could you maybe drop it by?

Yeah.

private IT'S COOL BRO <3

[batmanschmatman]

Yeah, I'll be right over.

What's going on?

private text

[lostundercover]

Thanks.

I have.. what the fuck ever it's called. That thing bats and dolphins have? Only I'm not blind. And it's giving me a fucking headache.

private text

[batmanschmatman]

Echolocation. How bad is it?

private text

[lostundercover]

Every time I make a noise, or someone else does, I can.. I don't fucking know.. know where things are.

private text

[batmanschmatman]

... Minus the headache, that actually sounds pretty cool.

private text

[lostundercover]

I can already see it. I don't need to know where it is. The fucking visual is only a flash, nothing permanent. Not like I could close my eyes and get around too well.

private text

[batmanschmatman]

Still, better then having your Batpants trying to talk to you.

private text

[lostundercover]

You too with the clothes thing?

private text

[batmanschmatman]

No, I just heard Donny screaming. You remember the kid's TV show Batflood?

private text

[lostundercover]

I remember it happening, sure, but not much about it. Why?

private text

[batmanschmatman]

The Robin I turned into talked like this, with the Holys and the Snake Repellent Batspray and Batstuff. I mean, it doesn't beat having Batconversations with pants, but as far as special abilities go? Prettyyy lame.

private text

[lostundercover]

It doesn't really sound like a special ability to me. Maybe it's a trademark thing. Didn't you say you were some "hero" or something?

private text

[batmanschmatman]

I don't talk like this back home. Batman isn't some kind of trademarked Batenterprise. We were pretty much urban legends up until about a Batyear ago.

private text - I love that icon so much I make that face a lot more often now. xD

[lostundercover]

Yeah? What changed?

private text - It is a wonderful face. xD

[batmanschmatman]

We got caught on Battape.

private text

[lostundercover]

That like Duck Tape? [lolpun.]

Was it the ski masks that gave it away?

[He's enjoying this mocking.]

private text

[batmanschmatman]

Psh, no. You seriously think we run around in Batski masks?

private text

[lostundercover]

I have no idea, guy. You're saying you're a superhero and the only heroes I knew were nut jobs in the joint. Or the firemen. Those were the real heroes. Even the cops were fuckin homos with an air of scumbag entitlement.

private text - ffff I give up on this striking out :|

[batmanschmatman]

I'm not a kid who saw something on television, grabbed a ski mask and some rock climbing equipment and started running around on fire escapes. I mean, people like that definitely exist where I'm from, but I've been training to do this since I was eight. I've got access to stuff that they don't - equipment, back up, I was trained by Batman - and it's definitely not a game or for publicity or money or anything.

And I wouldn't really call myself a superhero, since I don't have powers. I mean, there are people who've got them - you've seen Wally around, right? - but I just have a uniform, a codename, and a hell of a lot of training and skills to use to make sure I don't get killed and can resolve the situation with as few causalities as possible.

And sure, sometimes we butt heads with the cops or the government or their organizations, but usually we have an understanding. We can do stuff cops can't, we can go in and damage control situations so they don't have to get hurt and we don't kill people. We've helped change things for the better.

It's just... normal where we're from.

private text

[lostundercover]

And where I'm from? Batman doesn't exist and vigilantes are hunted by the law like any criminal.

private text

[batmanschmatman]

So... are we going to have a problem?

private text

[lostundercover]

That depends on what you mean by a problem, guy.