batmanschmatman | 029 [audio]

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029 [audio]

[There's a short pause between the feed clicking on and Dick speaking.]

My parents were murdered when I was eight. I was there when it happened. It was... [He takes a slow breath.] It felt like my whole life was just falling apart and I had no idea what was going to happen or where I was supposed to go or how I was supposed to live without the two most important people in my life.

But I got lucky, because someone was there that night who knew what it was like to have their parents taken away from them. He took me in, gave me a home and support and made life feel like it was worth living again. I know I got lucky. A lot of kids... A lot of kids lose parents and just end up going through foster home after foster home, and if Bruce hadn't been there, that's probably what would have happened to me. I would have been alone and lost, with no idea what I was supposed to do with my life.

Instead, I got a family. They've helped me become the person I am today and I can't thank them enough for it. I've had an amazing life, even if it's not always sunshine and rainbows, and I love my family more then anything.

... I'll always miss my parents. That hurt never goes away, and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about them and wish I could talk to them just one more time, but I...

[...]

I wouldn't trade what I have now for the world.

[... Oh crap. Didn't mean to say any of that out loud, to everyone. Fuck you, floods. :|]

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[Bruce didn't have to say anything. The gesture and the fact that he hasn't pulled away or tried to make this all business and told him he should have figured out a way to avoid the flood or delete the post or something is more than enough. Considering the fact that he was, honestly, sort of scared of Bruce's reaction to the post - since he definitely thought if given the choice, Bruce would probably change things, rather then keep life the way it was - this was incredibly reassuring.

And honestly, this was all he really wanted. He might have only been gone for four months, but between stuff on the Barge and finding out about the future and worrying he'd go home only to go through losing Bruce for real and not knowing he'd be safe at some point, he'd missed Bruce like hell. He'd been sort of jealous that Tim had gotten to go home and say hi and make sure everything was okay, but now Bruce was here and he didn't have to struggle with the decision to stay here or go home and risk not coming back just to make sure everything was okay.

So he didn't pull away and wouldn't until Bruce did, appreciating the contact and the fact that Bruce was here. Even if it had happened because of a flood and he hadn't actually wanted to announce any of this, it felt good to know he was loved.]

[ After a moment, Bruce steps back- his hands linger slightly on Dick's shoulders, but eventually he cuts off the contact. Turning his head away, he swipes at his eyes quickly and subtly, trying to not let Dick notice that he has actually been crying due to the post. He'd shown himself to be far too open and vulnerable already, and all of his instincts are screaming at him.

He takes a long, low breath, looking at Dick again and- he doesn't know what to say. He has never been good with words because he runs endless rehearsals of them over and over in his own head, and every single time he finds the choices wanting, so he ends up saying nothing at all. He'd rather show through his actions, but then again- they can be so easily misunderstood without words.

He swallows. Clears his throat a little and tries to not appear entirely embarrassed. ]

I- [ Pause. He resists the urge to rub his face. ] I meant what I- wrote.

[ And that's all Dick is getting from him, damnit. ]

[Seeing Bruce like this is... weird. He's rarely this vulnerable, and the fact that Dick was apparently able to get him to this point with an accidental network post is kind of scary. But also? Kind of reassuring. Bruce was so wrapped up in Batman that sometimes Dick wondered if Bruce really knew or remembered how to just be himself, not the vigilante or the socialite. Moments like this were few and far between back home.

So, he smiles at the halting sentence, understanding what Bruce means and how hard it was for him to do any of this, and appreciating that he had.]

I know.

[He put his good hand on Bruce's shoulder for a moment.]

And I meant what I said.

[He squeezes his shoulder once before dropping his hand to his side, ignoring the slight ache in his shoulder and side because honestly, at this point? Not much can get him down.]

[ Death does funny things. Death after being forcefed his failures and all that he's unable to do- it wreaks havoc on his psyche. It's difficult to believe that he's able to carry on alone when he has spent months alone, violated and tortured and clawing at some sort of hope to cling onto, holding onto his sanity by the sheer force of will. Keeping himself together because he refuse to give Desaad the satisfaction of seeing him break.

He hasn't given Hurt the satisfaction either. But he comes close. Very close.

Sometimes he thinks that he has forgotten how to be Bruce. Not even with Jet he has been Bruce- he carries Batman like a safety blanket around her, because though he fell for her he has never trusted her. He has always known she's an agent of the lck Glove, especially- especially when she tries to make him believe he's not entirely sane.

He has always known that. But he has enough sanity to function- and that should be enough.

But not here. Not with Dick. Not with Tim. Not with Jason. He has to try harder. Become better- because if he is to rehabilitate someone, he has to make sure that he's not a prime candidate for Arkham first.

He notices the slightly stiff way that Dick is moving, and his head jerks up- but he doesn't touch Dick again. ]

Your injuries.

How are they?

[He's happy to move on, considering everything that had needed to be said - or implied, really - had been said, and even with the less then exciting change in subject, he still maintains a smile. Bruce is here, and alive, and again, that was more then enough.

Figuring the jig is pretty up at this point - and he probably should actually be wearing the sling since his shoulder's feeling pretty sore right about now - he goes for honesty, and shifts to cross his arms, mostly to support his left arm and take some of the strain off of it, not bothering to hide the slight wince of discomfort.]

Sore. But getting better.

[It's not just him trying to avoid being fussed over, but also trying to reassure Bruce that he's fine, since he knows he worries even if he's good at masking it with being a little gruff sometimes.]

[ Worrying means that he cares, doesn't it? And he's too used to hiding that sort of thing - it reveals his vulnerabilities, after all - that even with people he trusts, it's hard to drop the shields. To reveal his feelings- reveal what he lets himself feel and admits to himself, anyway.

It's probably healing well, but Bruce knows that Dick is like him when it comes to injuries - prone to ignoring them, overstraining himself and not following instructions. It would be amusing if Dick isn't younger and has a longer potential lifespan. Ignoring injuries like that will cause adverse effects later on.

(Sometimes he makes excuses for caring. It makes him feel safer, somehow.) ]

Turn around.

[While Dick has, admittedly, been taking it easier then he would have been if he was at home, and therefore his arm was probably healing better then it would have if they were at home, he's still been pretty irresponsible in terms of not keeping it mostly immobilized, and in general has been pushing himself harder then he probably should be.

And despite being an adult and being an accomplished person in his own right, Dick was still very much the obedient son and so although the request got a sort of confused look from him, he follows the direction and turns around, still supporting his left elbow with his right hand.]

[ It's probably exceeding his touch quota for an entire month, but Bruce reaches up and places his hands on Dick's hurt shoulder. His fingers seek out the knots in the muscles immediately, stroking along the lines, forcing the knots to relax and sending more blood to the bone. He has learnt this in Thailand - something like a quick tissue massage to increase blood circulation and facilitate healing. It probably hurts like hell while he's doing it.

... Belatedly, he remembers that he should've asked for permission to do this. Or at least warn Dick.

Too late now. ]

[The pain caught him off guard and he couldn't hold back a surprised shout.]

Ow! Bruce, what are you -

[But before he finishes the question, he realizes what he's doing and tries to stay still and relax, even if it hurts like hell. Still, he manages to keep quiet, gritting his teeth and trying to think about something other then the pain.

He really shouldn't have messed around with Slade.]

[ Since Dick has his back turned towards him, Bruce lets himself smirk just a little bit at the sound. He's not particular concerned that he's causing pain - not this time, because he knows that it's doing good, relaxing the muscles so that Dick can heal better.

And he wonders if his oldest will actually tell him what caused the injury in the first place.

After a few more minutes more, Dick's shoulder stops feeling like a piece of rock and more like flesh again, and he releases him, letting his hands drop back to his side. ]

[He turned back around, rotating his shoulder slowly, testing the injury and wincing slightly, trying to get used to the feeling. It still ached, but now that the muscles weren't cramped and knotted, it was sort of less painful to move it around. He gave him a grateful smile.] Thanks.

[He really didn't want to own up to his mistake, since jumping Slade and approaching him in the first place had been possibly one of the stupidest things he'd done in his recent history. He'd already been yelled at by Tim, he'd sort of discussed it with Costigan, and he didn't need Bruce being disappointed in him for letting his emotions and Slade get to him.]

I'm really okay.

[ So it looks like Dick doesn't want to tell him after all. Which might mean that it's potentially important but humiliating- or it's potentially unimportant but still humiliating. His children all have a very strong sense of pride, and Dick isn't excluded from that. Bruce isn't entirely surprised by the response.

It means that he has to conduct his own investigations. He figures by now that Tim knows, but his youngest will not betray his oldest confidence, not even for Batman. So he just has to find out some other way, really.

Cocking an eyebrow at Dick, he smirks a little. Draws a little of the mantle of the Bat around himself. Not too much to close himself off, but enough to hide the vulnerabilities that he has been flagrantly displaying. ]

I'll take your word on that.

[Cue the youngest (because he will never count Damian B|) knocking on the door. It took a while, but he's been enticed. Somehow. Well done, Dick.]

If this ends in noogies, I'm never coming here again, [he called from outside.]

[ Bruce has a hard time thinking of Tim as anything but his youngest as well. Most of the time, he doesn't remember Damian. Some of those times, it is deliberate. It's not the boy's fault, but Talia is more than mildly insane - especially recently - and she has conceived the boy without his knowledge or his permission. And her way of saying 'hello' - and Damian's as well - doesn't endear either of them to him.

Not to mention hurting Tim. Biological son or not, Bruce cannot forgive Damian that easily. Besides, he has never wanted biological children- for many good reasons. Two of them are right here.

But he doesn't want to think about this right now. He shakes the thoughts out of his head.

You're just tempting Dick. [ As he said that, he pulls away, walking over the door and pulling it open. His smile when he sees Tim is tiny and crooked- but present. ]

[Dick laughed, not minding the topic change in the slightest. He was still feeling sort of mushy from all this emoting and hugging and whatever, and he really didn't want to think about or end up spilling to Bruce about how he'd hurt himself, so he just grinned widely at his little brother.]

No noogies, I promise.

[He looked juuuust a little surprised when Bruce opened the door, since. Well. He would have expected Bruce to run longer and farther than he had from this mushy stuff. But he was still getting used to the idea of what had changed in his second father.]

What do you think, Bruce, is he trying to lull me into a false sense of security? [There was a matching smile as he closed the door behind him.

[ It's already starting like a prickling on his skin, a discomfort about the situation, a semi-conscious tug for him to get away, to ask them to get out so he can be alone again. But he doesn't heed it, ignoring it the best he can because he honestly doesn't want to be alone.

It's a surprising thought. ]

If he is, you have the permission to try to deck him. [ And he's moving back, closer to the center of the room. Giving himself less options to want to run. ]

[The grin widened at the comment and he gestured for Tim to come over, taking a small step closer to him to give him a hug too. It might have just been a flood, but it had had a real effect on him.]

C'mon Tim, I'm not totally cruel.

[A very real, very touchy feely effect. Tim rolled his eyes a little, but he walked over to return the hug, patting Dick on the back.]

You're just saying that because Bruce said I could punch you, [he teased.]

[Dick laughed, hugging his brother tightly for a moment or two before letting go, no noogies or hair ruffles included.]

Hey, he said try.

[ He watches the two of them, a small smile at the edge of his lips because- it's always make him- happy, the way two of his sons have taken to each other. How easily they treat each other like brothers, like family. ]

Are you implying that Tim isn't able to do that?

[Tim claps him on the back when he finally lets go, leaving his hand there for a moment before pulling away completely. The hugging is done now, right? Hugging is tightly equated to crying for him, and he is not crying, so why should there be hugging, IT MAKES SENSE TO HIM.

But there's a smirk on his face when he crosses his arms.]

It's okay, being the younger brother means being underestimated. [COCKY. He isn't actually this cocky, he just likes acting like the little brother again.]

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029 [audio]

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